Squall's Realization
by yaoiFantasy
Summary: complete - oneshot. Everyone thinks Squall is dating Irvine, except Squall. Squall is just to dense to notice. Stupid -fun- story that I wrote in one sitting. // NOT a squ/irvy yaoi


// Squall's Realization // 

**// By: Julie (Feb, 2002)  
// Rating: R b/c of cussing  
// Sexual Content: Could be considered **_yaoi_** - although its more... **_whoops_** then anything.  
// Length: Oneshot  
// Humorous with very, very small angst**

**// This just came to me while I was taking a shower - donno why... Well, maybe b/c I keep seeing all these Irvine/Squall fan fics - I'm possessive of Squall with anyone except Zell or Seifer (or both)... So perhaps that's what lead to this fan fic...  
// BTW - Squall _is_ gay in this fic. So is Seifer and Zell. And Irvine. (And what the hell, so's Nida!)  
// If you want to continue this your yourself - go ahead, I don't mind... Just tell me and I'll link to you or refer to you or something.  
// Excuse typos, misspellings - Sorry, but I'm human...**

**// Squall is dense, but he's allowed. He does walk around with a silver spoon up his ass. (I'm talking metaphorically)**

**// Not my characters, BTW. Like you didn't know, but I have to tell you.**

=====================================================

Squall looked up in his office at the door opening. Irvine, his best friend, walked into the room, closing the door behind him.

"Hey Sunshine," Irvine said, crossing the room.

Squall smiled at him. "Irvine."

"We going out tonight?" Irvine asked, walking around behind Squall's desk.

Squall looked over his desk, analyzing the paper work. Looking up he spoke. "Of course."

Irvine smiled and sat on the corner of the desk. "How did you sleep last night?"

Squall sat back in his chair, sighing. "Lousy." He smiled a fake, half smile.

Irvine nodded. "Donno why you slept in your own room, Sunshine."

Squall shrugged, sitting up again. "I've been sleeping in your bed for two weeks straight, I think its time I stop acting like a child."

Irvine leaned down, moving his face close to Squall's. "You know I don't mind. It actually makes it easier when you get shit faces. I'm so drunk most of the time I get lost in the dorm hallways, looking for your dorm, then my own." Irvine smiled a small smirk.

Squall laughed softly, picking up a pen. "I should finish. Otherwise we won't be able to go out."

Irvine reached over and brushed Squall's cheek lightly then traced Squall's jaw line.

Squall looked up to Irvine, smiling his normal meek smile.

"Where are we going tonight, Sunshine?" Irvine asked, continuing his soft caresses on Squall's cheek.

Squall licked his lips. "Fox High is supposed to be a good club."

"That's in Dollet," Irvine said with a half smile.

"Yes," Squall nodded. "If it gets late we can just get a hotel room." Squall shrugged. "Tomorrow is Saturday."

Irvine brushed Squall's hair back saying "Alright, Sunshine." Irvine leaned down to Squall, pressing his lips against the brunette headmaster.

Squall nearly fell back in his chair. He pushed Irvine away, his eyes wide. "What the fuck?" Squall mumbled softly under his breath.

Irvine stood up, looking down at Squall, slightly hurt. "Why'd you push me away?"

"Why were you kissing me?!" Squall asked, standing up quickly, his chair falling over.

"We _are_ dating, I think its allowable," Irvine said. "We've kissed before.... But oh, this is your office, taboo, huh?"

Squall's mouth fell open. "We're dating? You've kissed me... _before_?!"

Irvine frowned. "Yeah..." Irvine shrugged, "Mind you, you might have been a little intoxicated, but aren't you always after work? Why... why are you shocked?"

"We're dating?" Squall repeated, not knowing what else to say.

Irvine half smiled. "Yeah. What's with you?"

Squall just stared at Irvine. He repeated the only words that he could think: "We're dating?"

Irvine crossed his arms, frowning at Squall. "If we aren't, explain to me why you hang out with me every day after work? Explain to me why you slept in my bed these past two weeks - or why you couldn't sleep last night without me. Why don't you flinch when I hug you or caress your skin, when anyone else even brushes against you accidentally you jump like a you were just burned?"

Squall frowned, thinking that over.

Irvine smiled. "I'm the only one who makes you smile. And you can actually hold a conversation with me, unlike with anyone else you talk to... at least beyond the word _Whatever_. ... Then don't you rush to see me every morning - I mean when you aren't sleeping in my bed? Hell, I'm with you almost every night when you _fall_ asleep. You say you can't sleep when I'm not there.

"And then don't you sit through Selphie's boring Garden Festival stuff, which I know you hate, because I ask you to spend that time with me? ... Then you always come running to me when Rinoa is flirting with you too much. You tell me to protect you from her." 

Squall swallowed, not believing what had just happened. Irvine was right. Hell, it was fairly fucking obvious that they were dating. But Squall didn't want to admit that yet. 

Irvine uncrossed his arms. "Stop fucking around. Come here, Sunshine. My Lion."

"Um....?" Squall answered, unsure of what to say or do.

Irvine laughed, stepping to Squall. "You're so cute."

Squall didn't step back. And when Irvine put his hands on Squall's waist, Squall didn't flinch. Irvine pressed his lips back to Squall's. Squall didn't kiss back. He put his hands on Irvine's chest, trying to decide if he should push him off or kiss back.

His office door swung open again, and the bright voice of a short little Garden Festival Queen filled the room. "Squall! I... Oh! Huh, sorry."

Irvine pulled back from Squall, smiling at Selphie.

Squall turned to look at Selphie, his expression stoic, but it always was. (Unless he was talking to Irvine.)

"Sorry you two," Selphie said, crossing her arms. "But I actually found what I was looking for, Squall. Thanks!" Selphie smiled at Irvine. "Zell is bitching and I need your help."

Irvine nodded. "Be right there, Cowgirl." He turned and pressed his lips to Squall's again, whispering softly: "Tonight, Dollet."

Irvine pulled back for Squall and walked to Selphie. Selphie didn't seem surprised in the least that Irvine had been kissing Squall. Selphie just smiled at Squall, waving before shutting the door. "Buh bye!"

Squall swallowed, thinking over his friendship with Irvine. He rubbed his forehead thinking _Oh my fucking God. I ... I'm dating Irvine? And I didn't even realize it? ... Shouldn't drink so much. ... Selphie wasn't surprised._ Squall looked at the door, frowning. _Which means everyone else probably thinks Irvine and I are dating too. _

Squall turned and picked up his chair, then sat down. _Am I that dense? I didn't notice my relationship with my best friend had turned a little less innocent? Shit! I've been sleeping in his bed! Half naked! ... In his arms!_ Squall's eyes went wide, his forehead pressing in both his hands, his elbows on his desk. "Squall you stupid, _stupid_ fuck..."

Squall sneered, disgusted in himself. "I don't want Irvine like that..." Squall closed his eyes, grimacing painfully. "He's my best friend. Sure I take comfort in him, and I _do_ like to sleep with him. But I'm lonely. I don't want to kiss him. I feel like throwing up after kissing him." Squall whipped his mouth with the back of his hand.

_I need someone to talk to. Ha ha. I need to _talk_. Me!_ Squall shook his head, pressing the intercom. "Quistis Trepe, report to the Headmaster's office right away." Squall hoped that sounded important, but not too much so - Irvine heard that as well after all. _Fucked up. To an unbelievable level, Squall..._

Squall sighed, waiting for the blonde teacher to appear.

Squall composed himself, straightening his jack, forcing his body to turn to ice. He steepled his fingers together on his desk, waiting in silence, forcing his mind to empty.

"Headmaster Leonhart?" Quistis said, entering the room and closing the door behind her.

"Quistis!" Squall said, all his composure falling apart. He looked at her, his eyes slightly widened.

"Squall?" Quistis said, crossing the room.

Squall swallowed, watching Quistis. "Is Irvine... I mean.... Is he... You see something... I mean... is Irvine" Squall couldn't say it. He couldn't. It was just wrong to say, or to even think. Irvine was his best friend, not his... boyfriend.

"What happened?" Quistis said, moving to the other side of the desk, looking down at Squall. "What did Irvine do?"

Squall continued to watch Quistis. "Is Irvine... someone... Does... do you think...he's with..." He fucked hated talking. His tongue wouldn't work with his massive shock and the fact that he felt like throwing up.

Quistis knelt next to Squall, taking his hand. "Oh Hyne! Is Irvine cheating on you? Already?!"

Squall covered his mouth with a hand. _We _are_ dating. _

"Oh Squall!" Quistis said quickly. "I haven't seen anything like that. I... I'm guessing you think that. I haven't seen anything. As far as I know he's completely devoted to you."

"Is Irvine my boyfriend?" Squall asked Quistis.

"Well, I think you should talk to Irvine. Find out what's been going on. If you think he's cheating on you. If so, you could talk it over. Then... maybe you can forgive him. He can still be your boyfriend."

Squall shook his head slowly, rubbing his temples, looking at the carpeted floor. "Irvine's my boyfriend.... I can't believe it."

"Squall?" Quistis asked, carefully touching his hand. (He did normally flinch like someone burned him if anyone besides Irvine touched him.)

Squall didn't flinch this time. He looked at Quistis. "Irvine is my boyfriend." Squall stated, looking at her. Squall leaned to Quistis, frowning slightly. "How.... long, per say, have we been going out?"

Quistis frowned, completely lost in his conversation. "Two or three weeks. ... At least two week. I mean, you have been having sex with him for that long. Did you only want him for sex?"

Squall sneered, pulling back from Quistis, sitting upright in his chair. "I have never. Never had sex with Irvine."

Quistis blinked, standing up. "Squall tell me what the fuck is going on right now!"

Squall forced his sneer away. "Irvine kissed me today."

Quistis nodded. "What's wrong with that?"

"Well, considering at the time I thought we were just best friends...." Squall trailed off, meeting Quistis's eyes.

Quistis thought for a moment. "You haven't slept with him?"

Squall shook his head. "Well, I haven't _fucked_ him. I _have_ slept in the same bed with him...."

"And today was the first time Irvine's ever kissed you?" Quistis asked.

"He said he's kissed me before," Squall said slowly. "But I do get drunk pretty much every day." Squall shrugged. "But it was the first time I've ever been sober with him kissing me."

"So, you aren't dating Irvine?" Quistis asked, looking down at Squall.

"I am!" Squall corrected. "I just didn't realize it..."

Quistis quickly put her hand over her mouth, snuffing out a laugh.

Squall eyed Quistis, frowning at her.

Quistis laughed, but tried to stop.

Squall sneered. "Shut up..." he growled.

Quistis breathed deeply, her eyes slightly watered. "You honestly had no clue?"

Squall shook his head, still sneering. "I need a drink..."

Quistis laughed saying "Isn't that how you got into this mess?" Quistis quickly put her hand over her mouth again, eyes wide at what she's just said.

Squall shrugged off his coat. "So am I dating anyone else?"

Quistis smiled, crossing her arms.

"Zell?" Squall asked, holding his hands out. "Nida?! ... Or wait- Seifer?!"

Quistis was holding her breath, trying desperately not to break into giggles.

Squall ran his fingers through his hair.

"How can you not know?!" Quistis asked, holding back laughter.

"Guess I shouldn't have been sleeping in his bed half naked," Squall mumbled.

Quistis started to laugh, trying desperately to stop.

Squall leaned on his desk, tapping his fingers.

"So," Quistis finally was able to speak. "Now that you know... *giggle* echem, are you still going to go out with Irvine?"

Squall cringed, looking up at Quistis. "No. I don't want to date him."

Quistis stopped smiling, letting the serious nature of the conversation control her laughter. "Why not?"

Squall hugged his arms around himself. "Why would I?"

Quistis sat on the edge of Squall's desk, folding her hands together. "You seem to get along with him great," Quistis said, biting back a smile.

Squall eyed her. "I get along with him so well that everyone - including him - thinks we're going out." Squall sighed heavily. "I don't _like_ Irvine in that way. I... I could throw up after having him kiss me."

Quistis frowned. 

Squall meet her gaze. "I don't think I'm a homosexual. Irvine is my friend. It was innocent friendship that I shared with him. Not... not a lover friendship. I don't find him attractive. He's Irvine. My friend. Not by boyfriend. I guess being a teenager is a lot different then being a young boy. If we'd been 10 no one would have thought he and I were dating... would they?" 

Quistis crossed her arms. "You're right, Squall. You two would have been just best friends. But you're also right about your being a teenager. 18 years old and sleeping half naked with your best friend for two straight weeks?" Quistis raised her eyebrows.

"I can't sleep," Squall said softly. "Irvine helps me. He comforts me. But I don't want to kiss him. And I _certainly_ don't want to fuck him. I'm just so alone...." Squall closed his eyes. "He's the only one I trust," his eyes fluttered open, "I don't distrust you Quistis. Obviously. I mean, I'm turning to you right now. But... he's... I thought he was safe. That he could help me not be lonely anymore."

"Safe because he is a boy?" Quistis asked.

Squall meet her eyes again, nodding. "Zell is great, but he's gay. Seifer... " Squall sneered. "Seifer is Seifer...." his sneer faded. "And then you girls would have taken my attention just the way Irvine took it."

Quistis pushed off of the desk, dropping her arms. "Why do you only act like that with one person? I'm sure if you were more open to all of us, we wouldn't have assumed."

"Because I'm me," Squall said, leaning back in his chair.

Quistis half smiled. "I see your point. Mr. I-don't-need-anyone. You wanted a best friend."

"And I was so stupid I didn't ... couldn't tell the difference between a friendly touch and a sexual one," Squall said, sighing.

"I suppose if you let more people touch you," Quistis said, shifting her weight. "If you spoke more, like right now. I think this is the most I've ever heard you say. And you haven't said-"

"Whatever!" Squall said quickly, robbing her of the remark.

Quistis smiled.

Squall half smiled, looking away from her. 

"So what are you going to do?" Quistis asked.

Squall let his smile fade. He meet her eyes again. "First I'm going to break up with him. Then I'm going to explain to him why. Then I'm going to get my ass kicked... so I'm guessing I'll spend the rest of the weekend in the infirmary."

Quistis crossed her arms again. "I think he'll be hurt. But I doubt he'll physically beat you. You didn't understand."

Squall hugged himself again. "Why is that? Why didn't I understand?"

"You've had a difficult life," Quistis reminded him. "Much more so then any of us. And you've done it alone most of the time. You have difficulty with friends and talking. It was a mistake, Squall. Oops." Quistis spoke as softly and sweetly as she could.

"I'll hurt him," Squall said. "I won't deny that we're dating. If I saw you acting the way I do with Irvine... acting like that with Nida, I'd sure as hell think you two were together."

Quistis put her hand on Squall's shoulder. 

Squall meet her eyes. "And I'm not going to have my best friend anymore..."

"Why not?" Quistis asked softly.

Squall chuckled callously. "He'll be crushed. And I sure can't act that way around him anymore. It's over. We'll be friends after a while, I'm sure. Just like I'm friends with all of you. But him being my best friend is over."

Quistis sighed. She couldn't argue with that, as much as she wanted to. "So, when are you going to break it off?"

Squall breathed for a moment. "Tonight. In private. ... Don't tell anyone I didn't realize Irvine and I were dating. I don't want them to know how stupid I've been. ... I'll try to make Irvine understand that I'm not ready for a boyfriend." Squall shrugged. "Then it might not hurt him as much as my complete ignorance."

Quistis nodded, taking her hand back. 

Silence filled the room.

"You want to talk more?" Quistis asked.

Squall looked at her, his stoic disposition molded back into place. He shook his head, turning back to his reports.

Quistis nodded. "I shall see you later tonight then, Headmaster." Quistis turned and walked to the office. Opening the door Quistis heard Squall say "Thank you."

Quistis looked back, smiling slightly. "Any time." Then she was gone.

* * *

Squall walked into the cafeteria at dinner time, 6:00pm, that same night.

Everyone was sitting at their normal table. Selphie was buzzing around brightly, giggling with Xu over something. Then Selphie noticed Squall walking towards them. She quickly whispered something to Xu, which made Xu burst into soft laughter, Xu covering her mouth quickly.

Squall meet Quistis's gaze. He nodded once to her. She looked at him, slightly sad for she knew what was going to happen within the next 5 minutes between Squall and Irvine.

Irvine smiled at Squall, waving. "Sunshine!"

Squall approached the group.

Seifer and Zell were talking. Seifer sneering angrily, Zell just looking around blankly, stuffing a hot dog into his mouth. Nida elbowed Xu to get her to be quiet.

"Irvine," Squall said softly. He put his hand on Irvine's shoulder, looking down at him. "Can we talk?"

Irvine smiled. "Sure."

Squall took his hand back, turned 180, then walked back out of the cafeteria.

"Oh!" Selphie purred at Irvine. "Got some _business_ to discuss?"

Irvine half smiled, half sneered at her. "Shut up, Cowgirl." He stood up and hurried after Squall.

Quistis sunk her teeth into her lower lip, watching Squall and Irvine leave.

"Can't believe it," Seifer growled, disgusted. "Bad enough they're fucking. Now we gotta know when they're doing it!" 

Selphie giggled loudly, covering her mouth.

Seifer looked at her, desperately trying not to smile. "Princess... shut up."

Selphie wrinkled her nose at him. "How come I'm always walking in on those two?"

Xu choked a laugh, nearly spitting her soda across the table.

"Everyone," Quistis said, looking around. "Please..."

"Eh, Quissy," Zell said after he swallowed. "-know its heartbreakin' for ya: Squall and Irvy, but come on. We all know where they went."

"Yeah, you see how serious Squall was?" Xu said. "He's just acting that way to make it look serious SeeD business. And what SeeD business needs to be discussed on a Friday night during peace time? I know Squall finished enough work to give him the next couple days off."

"And they're going to Dollet together tonight!" Nida chimed in.

Selphie giggled. "Clubbing... although I'm not so sure they're gonna make it to the club!"

"Hyne!" Rinoa said loudly. "Please, lets not talk about those two having sex. Last thing I need to do is to picture those two hot guys going at it!"

Most people laughed, minus Seifer and Quistis. And Zell's laughter was a meek chuckle as he bit into another hot dog.

Seifer sneered, picking up his soda and taking a large drink. He didn't want to think about Squall and Irvine getting off on each other. Certainly didn't want to hear about.

Quistis crossed her arms, her eyes very sad. She looked back to where Squall and Irvine disappeared.

~_Meanwhile, Squall and Irvine_~

Squall walked down the hallway, Irvine catching up to him quickly. 

"What's up, Sunshine?" Irvine asked, wrapping his arm around Squall's shoulders.

Squall shrugged Irvine off. He stopped, looking around for any students. There were still too many around. Squall meet Irvine's shady blue eyes, his cloudy blue eyes showing signs of a storm.

Irvine frowned.

"Lets talk somewhere else," Squall said, motioning the students around.

Irvine nodded and followed as Squall continued to walk.

They reached a small, secluded grassy area. Squall stopped and turned to meet Irvine's eyes again. Squall's stormy eyes were lighting up brightly. Irvine could swear he'd seen a lightning crack in Squall's cloudy spheres.

"Earlier today..." Squall started, waiting for Irvine's acknowledgement.

Irvine nodded. "You seemed nervous. What was that?"

"I... I'm not ready for a boyfriend, Irvine," Squall said, keeping his eyes locked with Irvine's. Squall's face stayed in its frozen state.

Irvine stiffened. "Oh?"

"I think I'm a lot easier when I'm intoxicated," Squall said sternly, his voice disapproving of himself. "Today, when you kissed me in the office, I realized I wasn't ready. I... I don't want to... be with you in that way."

Irvine's lips parted, confusion in his eyes.

Squall swallowed. "You are a great friend, but... I'm not... I'm, _me_, I'm not ready to date. I don't want to be your boyfriend."

"I always thought you were embarrassed in front of the others..." Irvine said. "Whenever we hung out at night, you were fine with being with me. But during the day you were slightly colder. I guess I should have talked to you about it. I just thought you were embarrassed... Are you still? Is that what this is?"

Squall shook his head. "Maybe when I'm ready, I'll consider being with you. But right now I just need to... I can't be your boyfriend." Squall crossed his arms, stiffening his stance.

Irvine nodded. "I guess I'll have to understand. You like kissing me but when it comes to being in a relationship you can't handle it." There was some malice in Irvine's words, but for the most part he honestly believed that.

Squall decided to just let Irvine think that. No use arguing and hurting Irvine further. 

Irvine put his hands into his pockets. "I guess no Dollet tonight then?"

Squall shook his head. "No."

Irvine licked his lips. "Okay. No problem. Selphie and Zell wanted to hang out tonight anyways. Guess I could go kick it with them." Irvine shifted his weight. "You're welcome to come with me to their place. We'd be around the others, in case you're nervous or unsure or whatever..."

Squall sighted. "I trust you, Irvine. I know you wouldn't do anything unless I was ready. So thank you. But no, I'll probably stay in my room tonight, try to catch up on the sleep I missed last night."

Irvine forced a smile that was fairly friendly. "Okay, Sun- Squall."

Squall meet the smile. "Lets go back. Before the others start to think we ... well... Hyne knows what they think..." Squall mumbled, turning around and walking back to the cafeteria.

Irvine followed, taking up step next to Squall. "You're still my best bud."

Squall smiled, feeling slightly relieved. "And you're my best friend."

* * *

~Back at the Cafeteria~

"Hey!" Selphie said, jumping up from her chair so quickly it knocked over. "That was quick!" she yelled to Squall and Irvine as they walked back into the room.

"Pretty quick quickie," Rinoa said softly, smirking.

Some of the others chuckled.

Irvine sat down in his chair, smiling slightly. "What are ya'll lookin' at?"

Squall sat down, choosing a seat next to Quistis and Zell, instead of the open chair next to Irvine.

Zell looked at Squall funny, elbowing him. "Dere's an empty chair." He pointed to the open chair.

Squall eyed Zell, locking his stormy blue eyes with Zell's sapphire ones until Zell looked away. Squall blinked then shifted in his chair, slowly removing his leather jacket.

"How are the Garden statistics coming?" Quistis asked Squall, breaking the silence.

"Done," Squall said softly.

"What? Done?!" Quistis said, frowning.

"Yeah!" Xu said. "Didn't I like just say Squall'd finished enough work in the afternoon to take off this weekend?"

"Oh, yeah," Quistis said meekly, picking up her soda.

"So you going to take the entire weekend off?" Selphie asked coyly smiling.

Squall stood up, picking his jacket up. He turned without saying anything and walked away from the group, forgetting about dinner all together. He couldn't sit there any longer, knowing each and every one of them (minus Quistis and now Irvine himself) thought that Squall was interested in Irvine sexually. That's what they were implying. That Irvine and Squall were going to spend the weekend together. Probably in Dollet, because Squall had wanted to go there this morning, but he sure as fuck wasn't going to go there now.

"He's a little pissed," Rinoa said. She looked at Irvine. "Why is he pissed? You a little to fast? Or was it too rough?" She smirked.

Selphie snorted.

Irvine looked at her, half smiling a sad look. "Don't worry about it, Raven."

Irvine looked away from her.

The table was silent for a while.

Irvine turned to look at Squall's empty chair between the two opposite blondes. He caught Quistis looking at him. Irvine meet her gaze. He could tell in her eyes Quistis knew. Which meant Squall had talked to her about it. Probably when Squall called her to his office shortly after Irvine left. Irvine closed his eyes, looking away. He didn't want to see that sad, knowing expression.

* * *

~Squall's Dorm~

Squall lay on his bed, completely clothed, except his jacket which was strewn on the floor.

_He was hurt. Not to bad though. But once it clicks into place I think it'll hurt him more. Emotions are like that. They hide for a little while then come out. ... He said I was still his best bud. It won't last long, though. I can't hug him or even touch him that much anymore. Or even hang out with him that much, for fear of giving him the wrong idea. And I sure as hell can't be that way with one of the others, jealousy and confusion would surely fuck those friendships up._

_Quistis understood me, though. She always does. I like her a lot. She's beautiful and wise. She helped me sort some of it out. Wonder if she'd let me bitch a little to her. I need to talk to someone. And she already knows about my stupid ignorance. And she understands. I hope she'll be willing to talk to me about this._

Squall sat up on his bed. He slowly stood up and walked to his stereo. Flipping on the CD player he put in Adema, flipping over to the 5th song: "The Way You Like It." He closed his eyes as the hard rock filled his dorm. 

Squall turned around and walked slowly back to his bed. 

~_Meanwhile, Cafeteria_~

"Irvine!" Selphie said, looking at him. "Please, why did Squall leave just now? What did you two go do?"

Irvine meet Selphie's emerald green eyes. "Squall left because... he and I broke up. I think he felt guilty sitting here in front of all of you."

"You two broke up?" Nida asked. "Why so suddenly?"

Irvine flipped his hat off, setting it in front of him on the table. "He was upset about something earlier today when I was talking to him in the office."

"He sure looked upset," Selphie said sarcastically. "Looked like he always does."

Irvine nodded. "But not always around me..."

"Upset, come on Irvine! What's going on?!" Rinoa asked. 

Irvine pushed his bangs from his face. "He said he wasn't ready to date." Irvine shrugged.

"But he was ready to sleep with you?" Selphie asked, a huge frown of anger on her face.

Irvine shook his head. "We never had sex. Fucking nosy girls..."

Xu crossed her arms. "Then why was he naked in your bed when Selphie and I stopped by last week?"

Irvine glared at her. "He wasn't naked. He just slept there."

"What the fuck?!" Seifer said suddenly.

Everyone looked at the large blonde.

He sneered at everyone. "What? Squall isn't like that. Sleeping with people, kissing them." Seifer looked at Irvine. "What the fuck really happened? I know... you cheated on him and he was pissed about that."

Everyone looked to the brunette cowboy. 

Irvine meet Seifer's angry look. "I'd never cheat on Squall. He dumped me because he wasn't ready to have a boyfriend. That's what he said."

Seifer chucked tauntingly. "That's bullshit!"

Irvine continued to glare at him. "That's what he said!"

Seifer sneered. "Then he told you bullshit. Something's fucked up about that story. He was willing to sleep in your bed for two weeks, willing to spend the weekend with you in Dollet, smiling with you just this morning. And I saw you two kissing the other night down at the Pink Pony. No way in fuck he isn't ready for a boyfriend."

"Then what?" Irvine asked, his angry face faltering.

Seifer shrugged. "Squall's fucked up. Who the hell knows what goes on in his mind..." Seifer shook his head, picking up his soda. "You're problem anyways."

"You just totally contradicted yourself, Seifer," Xu said. "You presume to understand Squall, then you say no one can."

"What is it?" Irvine asked, turning his full body to Seifer. Irvine sneered, leaning over on the table. "Is he interested in another guy? Is that what this is? Found someone else? A male, blonde, blue eyed someone else?"

Seifer immediately turned to look at Zell, who just looked blankly at Irvine. Seifer shrugged at Irvine. "Zell _is_ gay."

Zell's eyes went wide. 

Irvine stood up. "What do you know, Seifer? What the fuck is it?" Irvine leaned on the table, glaring down at Seifer.

Seifer smirked at him. "What? Aw, you think Squall came to me?"

"Fuck you," Irvine said.

"Why would I fuck you when I can fuck Squall?" Seifer said, smirking.

Irvine jumped over the table, knocking Seifer out of the chair. Irvine and Seifer rolled across the floor, punching at each other.

Zell was the first near the two boys, he tried to pull Irvine off of Seifer, but Zell got an elbow in the crotch for his good service. 

"Fuck!" Zell growled, stepping back, then falling to his butt, holding himself.

Selphie and Xu were next, but after Seifer tossed Irvine away and jumped on top of him, the two women stopped dead then took a few steps back. Rinoa meet the girls.

Nida picked Zell up off the ground.

Quistis slowly stood up, watching Seifer bringing his fist down on Irvine's face. Irvine punched back, getting a good kidney shot, forcing Seifer to take a breath. Then they were rolling again, ripping, punching, and cursing.

Quistis walked around the table and fallen chairs before settling a few paces from the boys.

The others were yelling at them to stop.

"ENOUGH!" Quistis yelled as loud as possible.

Everyone in the room froze. Seifer and Irvine looked at her.

"Get up!" Quistis snapped angrily.

Seifer got off of Irvine, smirking.

Irvine stood up, very pissed.

"Seifer, why?" Quistis asked, crossing her arms.

Seifer smirked a smug grin. "Why not? He's blind to think Squall just up and decided this afternoon he didn't want a boyfriend."

Irvine glared at him.

"Seifer, apologize to Irvine and tell him you _aren't_ in a relationship with Squall," Quistis ordered.

Seifer sneered at her. "I'm not apologizing to him! He started the fight. Besides... I might just _be_ with Squall!" He turned and smiled at Irvine.

"You're straight," Quistis said sternly. "Now you either apologize or I'm going to get Squall."

Seifer laughed. "What's Squall going to do?"

"He'll kick your fucking ass," Quistis snapped. 

Seifer sneered. It wasn't a matter of Squall actually beating Seifer in a fight. It was just that Seifer didn't want to get into a fight with Squall. Squall was his friend and rival. And getting in a fight with Squall over Irvine was disgusting. "I'm sorry, Irvine. And, yes, I am straight. And, no, Squall hasn't shown any interest in me what-so-ever."

Irvine shifted his stance, looking at Seifer, who was still looking at Quistis.

"Irvine, accept," Quistis said.

Irvine sneered at her. "Fuck that."

"Then I'll get Squall," Quistis said.

"Fine, thanks, Seifer. No problem. Sorry I started the fight," Irvine said quickly.

"Its okay," Seifer said, glaring at Irvine. "Your man just dumped you." Seifer then smiled saying proudly "And I am a prick."

"Lets all sit down now! We can talk like civilized people," Quistis ordered.

A moment later everyone was sitting at the table, except Quistis who stood.

Quistis shook her head, glaring from Irvine to Seifer.

"What?!" Seifer snapped. "We didn't break anything, _Mommy_."

Quistis glared at Seifer, her eyes widening.

"Why do you really think Squall broke up with me?" Irvine asked Seifer.

Seifer broke the staring contest with Quistis to look at Irvine.

"Its Squall. Who the fuck knows? All I know is... not being ready is a bullshit story. Something happened between this morning and this afternoon. Only what? ... I don't know." Seifer said. He looked at the table, wishing he still had his soda.

Irvine looked down at his hands, thinking.

Seifer leaned to Zell. "Go get me a soda."

Zell sneered at him. "No."

"Why not, Chicken?" Seifer asked, reaching into his pocket for a one Gil bill.

"Ya elbowed me in da crotch, ya prick," Zell growled.

Seifer chuckled handing Zell the money. "Oops. Sorry, Chickie. Want me to kiss and make it feel better?" Seifer smirked.

Zell sneered at him, taking the money and leaving the table. "Blow me, bitch," Zell muttered under his breath.

"No, I just paid you!" Seifer yelled at him. "You blow _me_!" Seifer laughed, leaning back comfortably in his chair.

Irvine was looking at him. "And your straight."

Seifer smirked. "I like taunting Chickie. He _likes_ me."

Quistis sat down, sighing. She hopped Zell wouldn't start a fight with Seifer now.

"Fuck!" Seifer grumbled, putting his hand on his side. "I think you broke a rib," he laughed.

Irvine licked his swollen, bloody lip. 

"Come on!" Selphie chimed in. "Why do you think Squall suddenly changed his mind about being with you?"

Irvine frowned. "I liked it better when he wasn't ready..."

"That's why he told you that," Seifer said. "Figured it be the easiest for you to understand."

"And you _couldn't_ have just let it at that?!" Quistis snapped at him. "You had to open your big mouth!"

Seifer smirked at her. "Course I had to."

"What did you talk to Squall about this afternoon?" Irvine asked.

All eyes were on Quistis now.

Zell returned, handing Seifer his soda. Seifer blew a kiss at Zell, which Zell sneered at.

"Why're we quite?" Zell asked, looking at everyone.

"What did you talk to Squall about this afternoon, Quistis?" Irvine repeated the question.

Zell turned to Quistis.

"You, Irvine," Quistis said. "He wanted to talk about you."

"What did he say?" Irvine asked.

Quistis crossed her arms. "It was in the strictest of confidence. I can't repeat it. You should just understand that Squall isn't ready for a boyfriend. And that's that."

"Is he embarrassed about being with another guy?" Irvine asked in a harsh tone. "Is that what this is? I kiss him when we're out of the Garden and he kisses me back, but I kiss him in his work office, then he feels guilty? Is that what this is? Squall Leonhart can't be with another man?" He snapped at her.

"Get over yourself, Irvine!" Quistis said, uncrossing her arms. "Squall has had a lot of problems when it comes to close relationships. Maybe he realized something... Okay. He realized something. That made him break it off with you."

"What is it?" Irvine asked. "What did he realize during his conversation with you? What couldn't he tell his boyfriend? What couldn't he tell his best friend? What couldn't he tell me? Why do you get to know, and I don't?"

"Because its embarrassing for Squall," Quistis said, her anger rising. "So drop it! I don't want to hurt Squall by telling you all this. Its stupid and Squall feels humiliated. And he did the most decent thing for you, Irvine. He did the best thing to make sure you weren't completely crushed by what he realized."

Silence filled the table. It lasted for a while, all eyes glued to Quistis.

"Why's everyone so quiet?" Squall's soft voice came.

Everyone jumped, startled to find Squall there.

Squall frowned, seeing Irvine's bloody, bruised face. He scanned over the other people, seeing Seifer's black eye.

Squall closed his eyes, crossing his arms. "Irvine why did you fight with Seifer?"

Irvine put a hand to his lip, cursing himself for not using a cure spell. "Seifer's a jerk," Irvine said, and it was a good enough answer.

Squall meet Seifer's sky blue eyes.

Seifer smirked.

Squall sighed, breaking eye contact. He shifted, feeling everyone staring at him. "So everyone knows Irvine and I are no longer a couple?"

"Yes," Quistis said.

Squall turned to her.

"And they're begging _me_ for answers," Quistis continued. "They want to know what I talked to you about in private."

Squall looked at everyone, his cheeks flushing slightly.

"Squall," Irvine said, standing up. "What is it? What's wrong?" Irvine stepped to Squall, reaching out for the brunette.

Squall quickly moved from him. 

Irvine stopped his movement. "Come on! Tell me! Tell me something! We can talk in private again if you want."

"I can't tell you!" Squall insisted, his voice louder then normal.

"Why not?!" Irvine begged. "I deserve the truth."

"Truth!" Squall said. "You don't want the truth, believe me. It'll just... hurt you. And you are... were my best friend."

"And I'm not anymore?" Irvine asked.

Squall shook his head. "Its too weird now. I wish it wasn't. But it can't be the way it was..."

"I'm not going to do anything you don't want me to," Irvine said softly. "I never would."

"That's not the problem," Squall said. "I mean, I ... I drink too much. And I forget a lot of things."

"What did you forget? What is this secret you're hiding?" Irvine asked. "I don't care what it is, we had fun together. Whatever it is, we can get pasted it, right?"

Squall's cheeks flushed again, suddenly realizing Irvine was talking more like an ex-lover then an ex-friend.

Quistis stood up. "Irvine, why don't you-"

"Shut up, Quistis!" Irvine snapped, looking back to her. He turned to meet Squall's gaze again. "I want to know why my boyfriend doesn't want to be with me anymore."

"Its so stupid," Squall said. "It doesn't matter why. Its just I can't. No. I don't want to."

"Fuck, Squall!" Irvine said. "Come on, I need answers!" He stepped to Squall, who bounced back in an awkward show of youthful embarrassment.

Squall's cheeks reddened.

Quistis watched Squall, suddenly realizing that his comment about being 10 years old was all to true. Squall never had relationships with anyone. He never had friends, never had family. Was alone his whole life, living for fear of loosing anyone he loved. So his ability to deal with people emotionally was probably that at the level of a 10 year old.

"Irvine, please," Quistis said. "It is stupid. And Squall's embarrassed enough about it. Just-"

"Would you shut up!" Irvine snapped. "Stop butting in!" Irvine turned to look at Quistis. "What did you say to Squall this afternoon? What did you say to him that made him change his mind about us being together?"

Quistis frowned. "I didn't say anything."

"You sure as hell said something!" Irvine snapped.

"Irvine," Squall said, feeling completely humiliated right now. He knew in a few minutes everyone would be all over Quistis for answers. Damn it!

"I don't know what she said," Irvine replied. "But it's not true." Irvine meet Squall's eyes. "I like you. I like being with you. And I'd never cheat on you or anything. I'm stri-"

"Irvine!" Squall said, stopping him.

"All this is going to make me sick," Seifer mumbled under his breath to Zell.

Zell sneered, nodding. "No kidding. I liked it better when they were trying to hid being together."

"You two, shut up," Rinoa mumbled, having heard them because she was sitting next to Seifer.

"Squall," Quistis said. "Don't worry. I'm not going to tell them. I know how stupid you feel. I don't care if they get mad at me."

Squall's cheeks reddened again, a small smile twitching on the side of his lips as he looked at Quistis. It was sooooo stupid. So humiliating. And fucking funnier then hell. God he was ignorant. How could he have missed the fact that Irvine and him were a couple? 

Irvine saw the small exchange of glances. He frowned angrily then got fed up with it and started to walk out of the cafeteria.

"Oh Irvine!" Squall yelled at him.

Irvine turned around, obviously hurt, angry, and wanting answers. 

"Alright I'll tell you," Squall said, a smile forming on his face. He was now bright red. Squall covered his mouth with his hand to keep from laughing at himself.

"What the fuck?!" Irvine growled.

Squall banished his smile continuing. "First off, I'm so sorry. I..." Squall looked at everyone, wondering if he should let them all know his stupidity and embarrass himself and Irvine right here, right now.

All of his friends had their eyes locked on him.

Squall turned back to face Irvine. _Fuck it. Let them all know._ "I'm so sorry. And believe me, it is so stupid. I can't believe myself. I can't believe how stupid I am. And its all me." Squall put his hand to his chest. "Nothing to do with you. Anyone would have fallen for it..."

"Fallen for what?" Irvine asked, suddenly very worried that Squall had just used him.

"Its all me. All my stupidity and ignorance. And I'm blind about these things," Squall said. "You know how difficult it is for me to talk to anyone. To open up at all. And when my emotions come out, they sometimes surpass what I mean. And sometimes I don't notice when me emotions are blinding me or doing things that I don't want them to do."

Squall blinked, wondering if that was enough of a for-warning apology. He'd apologize again, but he wanted to be able to get that all out, in case Irvine would really kick he ass. Which Irvine deserved to do.

"Get to the point," Irvine said softly.

Squall turned red again, stepping to Irvine.

Seifer rolled his eyes. _Hyne. They're gonna kiss right here. In front of all of us... Gross._

"I'm not gay, Irvine," Squall said.

Irvine frowned. "What?"

Squall wrapped his arms around himself. "I didn't know we were dating."

Irvine's lips parted. "What?!"

Squall shook his head. "I didn't know we were dating."

"Squall!" Seifer yelled at him.

"Seifer!" Quistis snapped.

Squall looked at Seifer, who was smirking like a young boy at Christmas. Squall glared at him a moment before looking back to Irvine.

"We were," Squall said. "I know we were. I think back on it and I won't deny we were dating. I just didn't realize we were."

Irvine was dumb struck.

"You fuck head!" Seifer yelled.

Squall turned to glare at Seifer.

Seifer laughed. "Can't believe that! You didn't realize you were dating Irvine?!"

Squall's blush deepened. "Shut up, Seifer. Or I'll assign you Tribia, 4th island duty." Squall turned back to Irvine.

Seifer bit his lip hard to keep from saying anything else. Squall would assign him that shit position, too, if he said anything.

"I'm so sorry, Irvine," Squall said. "I'm not gay."

"We've made out, we went on dates, we were... together," Irvine said.

Squall sneered sadly. "As I said... I get drunk... and I don't remember things. I drink all the time. You're there when I do. You know how much I drink. And when we made out before... I _ was_ drunk." Squall smiled weakly.

"And the dates we went on?" Irvine asked.

"I thought... we were best friends... doing best friend things," Squall said.

Irvine nodded. "What's with sleeping with me?"

Squall hugged himself loosely. "I can't sleep at night. You know I'm an insomniac. You helped me sleep. And I think I needed the sleep so badly, I didn't think much about how I got it. You were my best friend. And I'm fucking stupid."

Irvine's shoulders slouched. "Your office today... Was that the first time I kissed you when you were sober?"

Squall nodded. "Unless I forget things when I'm sober, too. But no... I think that was the first time... But it made me realize what was going on."

Irvine breathed slowly, looking into Squall's eyes.

"I - I didn't know you were gay," Squall said. "If I had, I would definitely have noticed sooner. I just never thought anything sexual about being with you."

"I can't believe it," Irvine said softly.

Squall nodded. "That's why I told you I wasn't ready. Figured it make more since then: I'm not a homosexual, I'm just stupid."

"Ya ain't gay at all?!" Zell asked.

Squall turned and looked at Zell. He shook his head, looking back to Irvine. "Not at all."

"But I don't understand," Irvine said. "It wasn't just the kissing and the dates. Or the sleeping in my bed. It was everything else between us as well. Unless I missed something. Was I the only one who thought Squall and I were a couple?" Irvine looked at everyone.

"Hell No!" Rinoa said. "I though Squall was head over heels for you! He sure acted like it!"

Squall blushed again.

"What's with that?" Irvine asked Squall. "Why so different around me?"

"If you were straight, would our friendship - us being best friends - would that have been different?" Squall asked. "I mean, besides my intoxicated kissing you? And... aside from sleeping in your bed."

Irvine thought that over. "Well... we would probably have talked about chicks."

Squall nodded. "But I was never interested in dating. Never interested in women. Never interested in the whole couple scene."

"Fuck!" Irvine said. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"But you were affectionate with him," Selphie said to Squall.

"I hugged him," Squall nodded. "And I let touch me. We were best friends, I had to trust that. And I trusted it was innocent. I was stupid about it, yes, but I wasn't expecting it to be sexual. ... And I smiled and laughed with him. He was the only one I felt comfortable enough around to do that with. ..." Squall turned to look at Irvine. "Comfortable as in I thought I could be your friend without worrying about any more complex things... like that happened."

"How is Irvine any different then the rest of us?" Selphie asked.

Squall turned back to the others. "I'm straight. So that automatically makes you girls taboo. Surely if I acted to any of you the way I was with Irvine, everyone would have thought we were dating... Nida, I don't know you as well as Irvine. Irvine was there with me when we defeated Ultimecia. Then ... Seifer...." Squall meet Seifer's sky blue eyes.

Seifer smirked, biting his tongue, because he knew Squall's threat was still good.

Squall nodded. "Enough said. Then Zell...." Squall meet Zell's gaze. "As much as I love you, Zell: you're gay, and when I found that out I didn't know how to act around you. I couldn't be a good friend to you because I have emotional problems and deep seeded abandonment issues beginning from my childhood. So I was afraid I'd hurt our friendship if I acted more affectionate towards you. That I'd loose you."

Zell smiled at Squall. "Its alright, mate."

Squall turned back to Irvine. 

"Lack of options lead you to me?" Irvine asked, crossing his arms.

Squall shook his head. "You were the best choice, which is why I choose to pursue the friendship."

Irvine nodded then turned around and started out of the cafeteria.

Squall watched Irvine leave then turned to everyone else. Blush filled his cheeks again. "Should I follow him? Or leave him be?"

Everyone glanced at each other, looking for the correct answer.

"Leave him be," Quistis said, still standing away from the group. "He needs time to think."

Squall nodded, looking at his friends. "So..."

"Squall!" Zell said.

Squall looked at him.

Zell smiled. "Dat was da most I've ever 'eard ya say!"

Squall smiled meekly. He walked to the others, sitting down in the chair that was next to Irvine's. "I can't believe how stupid I am..."

Quistis sat down next to Squall.

Squall noticed Seifer's fists were clenched, his arms laying on the table.

Squall looked up to meet Seifer's face.

Seifer was smirking, his lips closed tightly. Squall could hear Seifer's breathing, and Squall knew Seifer was doing everything, using all of his self control, to keep from saying something.

Squall leaned forward on the table, smiling at Seifer. "You're not going to open your mouth for me?"

Seifer put a hand on his face, forcing himself quiet.

Squall leaned back in the chair, smiling at Seifer. "I like being in charge sometimes."

Seifer quickly clasped his other hand over the first.

Zell was laughing quietly.

"So Zell," Squall said, directing his attention to Seifer's favorite torment.

Zell looked at him, smirking.

"Is it hard?" Squall asked him.

Zell laughed.

Seifer let out a loud groan, clenching his eyes shut.

"Being gay, I mean," Squall continued.

Zell smiled at him. "Sometimes its very hard."

Seifer groaned louder, glaring at Squall.

"What's wrong, Seifer?" Selphie asked. "Tribia is wonderful this time a' year. A couple months vacation in the icy plans would be nice."

Seifer shot a hard look to Selphie.

Selphie smiled at him.

"Squall," Quistis said softly.

Squall looked at her, smiling.

Quistis looked at him seriously.

Squall sighed. "Alright, alright. I'll stop abusing my powers." Squall saved his hand at Seifer. "You may speak."

"Urgh!" Seifer growled. "Squall you fuck! You cruel, stupid, icy fuck!"

Squall just smiled at him.

"If you ever do that to me again, it better be a meaner threat then 4th Island Tribia duty. Because... Oh!" Seifer looked at Zell.

Zell smiled at him.

"Oh damn it!" Seifer growled. "Fucking missed that.... you little fag!"

Zell blew a kiss at Seifer.

"Urgh!" Seifer groaned. "I can't think.... Asshole remarks are gone!" He hit his head on the table, a little hard then he meant to. Seifer sat up, holding his forehead. "Damn it."

"Seifer," Squall said.

Seifer looked at him.

Squall smirked. "How's your head?"

Seifer smirked back. "Haven't had any complaints yet."

Squall nodded.

"Thanks," Seifer said, rubbing his forehead.

"Sure," Squall answered, smiling.

Squall stood up. "Now that you all know your Commander is a genius, I think I'll head back to my dorm room. It's been a pleasure talking with all of you." Squall turned to leave.

"Squall!" Seifer said.

Squall turned around, their eyes meeting.

"You really straight? You ... didn't have a clue?" Seifer asked, biting back a smile.

Squall nodded. "Straighter then you, Seifer. Not that that says much..."

Seifer flipped Squall off. "I'm straight."

"Yeah, and Zell's a girl," Squall mumbled.

Zell sneered. "Yuck... I ain't a girl."

"Yeah you are," Seifer said.

Zell looked at him. "Oh, ya think I'm pretty?"

"Walked into that!" Seifer cursed himself.

"But yes," Squall said, bringing Seifer's attention back. "I am a complete moron. But tomorrow I'll be back to my normal, stoic Squall Leonhart self. Then no one will have to worry about misinterpreting my feelings." Squall turned to leave again.

"That's too bad," Seifer said.

Squall stopped and turned back to him. "Which part?

"You're pretty cool when you speak and smile," Seifer said. He looked Squall over. "I think I see why Irvine liked you."

Squall crossed his arms. "Whatever," Squall said sternly, letting himself fall back into his harsh, icy nature.

Seifer smirked at him. "No reason to hide, Squall."

Squall turned and walked out of the room.

Seifer shook his head. "Damn him."

"Looks like Squall is back," Quistis said softly. "Poor boy. He wants to be happy..."

"When he's happy his friends think he wants a sexual relationship," Xu said softly. 

"Oh well," Seifer said. "Maybe he'll be a little less... well, no, Maybe he'll be a little _more_, because Squall can't be any less..."

**- End -**

* * *


End file.
